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It's like watching a supermodel take a crap in the woods
My toad 
8th-Sep-2006 09:48 am
Insane
Sunday night I arrived home to a tragedy. I came to a stop in the driveway with the headlights pointed at what used to be the favorite location of my toad! HE WAS F-ING GONE!

Monday I received this:

From: K Z [Ivegotyourtoad@yahoo.com]
Subject: Ransom instructions to follow...

Included was a horrible picture of my poor toad who has obviously been beaten.
Don't die on me now toad!

Tuesday I received this:

From: Toad Napper [toadnapper@yahoo.com]
Subject: Actual Toad ransom email
Body: Disregard any other ransom emails. Those were not initials...just some random letters. Ransom instructions to follow!!!

Included was another picture of my abused toad which I have left out here because I just can't look at it.

Friday I received this:

From: Toad Napper [toadnapper@yahoo.com]
Subject: Toad Ransom Demand #1
Body:

A haiku or limerick by Sunday...or the toad gets it!!

Suggested topics:
-How much you like your friend from, say, Atlanta
-How much fun you have when any particular friend comes to visit you
-Floating down spring-fed rivers

Too bad I know you can't actually cook!

Someone out there is a sick bastard!!!
Comments 
8th-Sep-2006 06:39 pm (UTC)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Peace, Jean

(P.S. Sorry I never got back to you. I kind of just checked my messages, like, a day or so ago, heh. {blush})
12th-Sep-2006 12:51 pm (UTC)
I'm installing flashing lights and a siren on your phone! How about this weekend?!
14th-Sep-2006 05:10 pm (UTC)
Yup, that'd do it! ;-)

My tummy's been icky lately but it should be fine this weekend, so, yes?

Peace, Jean
12th-Sep-2006 01:37 am (UTC)
OMG! Did you send a haiku or limerick? And if so, can we hear it?!
12th-Sep-2006 12:50 pm (UTC)
a team of haiku experts crafted these beauties...

Lovely Atlanta
Home of my good friend Deepa
Much too far away

Deepa, you have been
my roommate, co-worker, friend...
Georgia, give her back!

Dear kidnapper dude,
Here's a damn haiku for you
gimmeback my toad!

hey kidnapper guy:
that toad is really a bomb
joke's on you, bastard!

Ichetucknee Springs
Your water so cold and clear
Too many rednecks!

Tubing is the best
floating along with your friends
Oh that log was rude!
14th-Sep-2006 10:34 pm (UTC)
Outstanding. Any further developments? Demands for short stories, sonnets, sidewalk chalk art?
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